On familiar grounds -- It comes to a full circle

Now playing: New Tatoo - Urbandub

And now I'm back to where I used to stand. Back on familiar grounds. It turns to a full circle.

Just when I thought everything else will change... I find myself standing back on familiar grounds... on shattered grounds. Shattered grounds... just when I thought I was already on stable grounds, I later realize that what I'm standing on had then again gave on and sunk.

There's actually two people making me feel that I am on the same grounds I used to be before. And these are their words:

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Regret(?) -- What more is there to say?

Now playing: Empty Apartment - Yellowcard

If you did what you wanted to do, and said what you wanted to say, would you be happy after all is said and done? Would you change anything if it didn't work out the way you expected it?

Ironic. When you least expect something to happen, a sudden change always takes place. And what's more ironic, is that you thought you have absolute control over yourself. Actually you do. But you're trying to fight temptation to do something more to worsen the situation.

We all know its never good to do things 'fast paced'. Yet that's what happened. All too fast... all too spontaneous... but then again... reality bites. And once again, it bites hard. And painful.

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Holding grounds -- The turning of the pages

They say... all things have their ends. And so shall a page turn. For when it turns, it will mark the beginning of a new chapter. And for one who was so soul burdened for all his eternity, there is no absolute bliss that can compare to when he takes back and holds control over his destiny...

The past year has been very hard. Too hard that I lost sense to where I was supposed to go... What I was supposed to do. And so I decided to be the one on top of my life for this year. For months, I have been contemplating, reflecting, and looking back at all the things I might have done. A day did not pass that I never took the time to keep silent for a few minutes, and think. And it was tiring. Exhausing even. It almost came to a point that my body could not cope up with the pressure that my mind has been keeping. Resulting in sleepless nights... meal-less days... and fatigue that almost sent me bed ridden. I'd have to be thankful that though I was under pressure, my body can still sustain itself beyond abnormal conditions. Call it miraculous if we must. And the feeling of fulfillment is something you can never buy. The content and satisfaction of being able to regain the will to defy what is being set for you is something I can never describe verbally.

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Reflecting on still waters -- A rundown of 2005

2005, probably the most influencial year for me. A lot of things happened to me during this year that I can say really changed and molded my mindset for this year.


First Quarter (January - March 2005)

There were a lot of ups and downs, crappy days and lengthy weeks and months. I almost lost my sanity coping on these weeks. As they said, "New Year... New beginnings..." and as expected, I didn't get the best of the first three months of the year. I almost lost it during these months. Too much thinking, too many things bothering me. A very disoriented first three months for the year. I was supposed to plan the year during this period, but I ended up getting planned for. I mean, I was literally pushed to my limit during these months that I almost lost grip with reality. How I wished this was the only bumpy ride for the year.

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In memory of the most special woman in my life -- May she rest in peace

Let this post be my last post for the year. Specially dedicated to my mom.

To the most special woman in my life...

From birth, you have been the very light that guided me. The very walls that surrounded me. In each and everyday, you watch over me. Until the day that I was capable of deciding for myself, you never failed to check up on me.

I know I've never been a very good son, but still you were there for me. I know I've never listened that much but still you kept on telling me what is right and what is not. I know I've never said how much I loved being with you and how much I enjoyed spending time with you.

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Out of circulation -- A very complicated disposition in life

Hmm... If my memory serves me right... I didn't have any posts for September. O_o"

Well the reason is similar with the title of this new post. I was literally out of circulation for the past month. And I think It will stay that way a lot longer.

It started out when everyone found out about my little secret. I don't want to talk about it here. I'm leaving it undisclosed as of the moment. Yes, things like these do happen in life. So its up to you to think it over.

Back to topic. The past few weeks or should I say the past few months have been relatively complicated. I had to go through a lot of struggels both emotionaly and psychologicaly. And if that's enough, try adding a little peer and work pressure to your already cramped up lifestyle.

Believe me its a miracle I'm still sane.

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