Regret(?) -- What more is there to say?

Now playing: Empty Apartment - Yellowcard

If you did what you wanted to do, and said what you wanted to say, would you be happy after all is said and done? Would you change anything if it didn't work out the way you expected it?

Ironic. When you least expect something to happen, a sudden change always takes place. And what's more ironic, is that you thought you have absolute control over yourself. Actually you do. But you're trying to fight temptation to do something more to worsen the situation.

We all know its never good to do things 'fast paced'. Yet that's what happened. All too fast... all too spontaneous... but then again... reality bites. And once again, it bites hard. And painful.

Maybe I'm just confused, worried, because I can't do anything to undo what I did. But hell... what was I supposed to do? I'm not regretting I took the chance of admitting what I felt. Saying what I want to say, doing what I did, but I didn't expect all this to happen. Maybe I did. But not like this.

In my case... Its hard. Its hard that I know I want to do something, but I'm not in a position to do it. Its hard that I know I might be a reason for something she'll do if she changes her mind. I knew that it was not right, but it was not wrong either. It wasn't right because it happened too fast. It wasn't wrong because I didn't intend for anything bad to happen. We both didn't intend for anything bad to happen. Nevertheless... something bad did happen. One of us pulled back. I want to press on... but I feel like backing off the same way she does. It would be a lot more painful if I'd face the fact that the more I pressed on, the more she'd hold back. As so a lot of people told me. What more can I say? What more can I do?

I was told to back off. Hold my emotions. Not to give in. Try to be mindful of what I say and do. Yet I didn't. I took the chance of admitting it all. I 'jumped in'. Though I know I'd be hurt. Or it might not end as one might assume it should end. And it sucks to know that it will hurt a lot more. And it will. Though I know that I won't be in a scenario where I tell myself that "I should have done that...", but it still makes me think why the hell I did it? Why didn't I hold back? Why? If only it could all be answered.

Regret? Maybe I am regretting. Regretting that I'm in another situation where I can't control the outcome. But I'm not regretting I took the chance.

I need to rest... yeah... maybe that's it. I just need a breather. To clear my thoughts. Messed up? Probably. But sitll there's no way to find out if I didn't allow this to happen.

Regret? What's more to say? Everythings said. What's done is done. Take a deep breath. And just enjoy the ride.

1 comment:

  1. i have absofuckinglutely no idea what you just talked about.