Reflecting on still waters -- A rundown of 2005

2005, probably the most influencial year for me. A lot of things happened to me during this year that I can say really changed and molded my mindset for this year.

First Quarter (January - March 2005)

There were a lot of ups and downs, crappy days and lengthy weeks and months. I almost lost my sanity coping on these weeks. As they said, "New Year... New beginnings..." and as expected, I didn't get the best of the first three months of the year. I almost lost it during these months. Too much thinking, too many things bothering me. A very disoriented first three months for the year. I was supposed to plan the year during this period, but I ended up getting planned for. I mean, I was literally pushed to my limit during these months that I almost lost grip with reality. How I wished this was the only bumpy ride for the year.

Second Quarter (April - June 2005)

Sanctuary. Thought a lot of serious things happend on this quarter, I had the comfort of getting some piece of mind. The long talks with Joe Gamer really paid off. Not just him. A lot of friends helped me cope from the "first quarter storm" I just had. And yes, it really helped. During these months, I was reflecting on why those things happened. I tried to look at all the sides of the story that it really gave me quite a relief that I took the time to rest. Quite an odd summer though, I got to be part of a tour for work. Yes, you read that right, a road trip for work. And it was a good one. And yes, a new hobby/game that I got really hooked in. Helped a lot in the coping stages. But it wasn't all good. Come summer, everything went back to the bumpy-rough ride. Hint, check the entry on April 30th.

Third Quarter (July - September 2005)

Escape. And yes this was the best part of the year for me. Not a care for anything. Which resulted in a more disorienting "last quarter". Actually it was more of that I tried to run from all of it. As I expected, my sanctuary won't last that long, and yes, come October that all my perceptions of having the last half of the year to be good just disappeared in an instant. Looking for an escape route was my only option, but my only option kinda backfired. So I'm back to my old worried self. Well, you can never run away from all your worries, sooner or later, they'll catch up on you. You'd just have to face the fact that you have to do something and face them all. One at a time to make it easier. And yes, it was quite a hard hitting period.

Last Quarter (October - December 2005)

Reflection. Despair. I was missing in action during this last quarter. My "running away" extended until mid fourth quarter. During my time of absence, I was merely reflecting on what I might have possibly done that caused this year to be almost unbearable. And the fact that a loved one was struggling for her hold on life made my thoughts a lot more uneased. Come that fateful date when she, my mom, passed away. Which signaled the "last draw". And yes, all the thinking and contemplating did come to full circle. I have already decided. And this comming year will mark the turning in my already almost miserable life.

The year that just passed, 2005, influencial, emotional, troublesome, yet fulfilling.

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